Secret Christmases
by hawaiianflower
Summary: Post-Hogwarts years, Hermione has a family with Ron, bur come christmas time and the potters bring over a hogwarts scrapbook she remembers some of her christmases with Draco and who she really loves. Hermione's POV. Flashbacks.


Years had passed since my days at Hogwarts and life was well. I had a family, a husband, living happily as Mrs. Weasley. And yet it was Christmas time, always my least favorite of the year. The memories from Hogwarts Christmases were certainly good, but nothing I could ever have a again, nor share with anyone.

I stared at my Christmas tree a small smile lighting my face at all the decorations before a child bumped into me. "HARRY LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN!" I laughed though, entirely not serious as the child kept running.

I felt bigger arms surround me in a hug and instantly I knew it was Harry, the whole clan had officially arrived. "Ah, Hermione, you know you love them running about. Besides they're just playing with your little ones."

I shrugged but hugged him back "So how's the boy who lived?"

He shivers, but smiles still. "It's Christmas, let's just remember the good times at Hogwarts." He reaches in his back pulling out a book and plopping it into my hands.

I looked at it tentatively. Christmas Memories: Hogwarts. I gulped. Uh-oh.

"MOMMY!" Rose called pulling me down as everyone entered the room. "I want to look! I want to look!" She took the book from me, opening it.

I looked over her shoulder seeing a picture of me, Ron and Harry in our first year. We had our scarfs on us, standing outside the school in the freezing weather.

Ron sits beside me, putting an arm around me as he begins to explain the importance of this picture to the children but my mind has already left him.

***flashback***

Ron and Harry were staying at Hogwarts but alas, I would be going home for the Christmas season. I had gathered my bags and was one of the last people on board the carriages that would take us all to the train station.

"Mrs. Granger! Get on that carriage now!" Professor McGonagall called. I swallowed, getting on the first carriage I could not even caring which it was. Anything to get warm and not be in trouble.

I sat down, placing my bag at my feet and looked around. One person. The only one I truly didn't want here. Draco Malfoy.

Spit hit my shoes and a look of pure disgust twisted up that beautiful face of his. He'd had such a beautiful face even then. "Filthy Mudblood..." he said loudly.

I cringed subconsciously into the corner but a steely aspect entered my eyes "Watch your mouth, Malfoy. I know the spells to shut it."

He just smirked, cocky as usual. "Ahh, feisty without your little friends eh?" He rolled his eyes and looked away.

The trip was silent but my eyes rarely strayed from him, the anger I felt already giving way to something more.

***Flashback over***

"Remember this Christmas Hermione?" Harry said laughing. He was holding up a picture of the third year Christmas tree at Hogwarts.

I nodded softly, my least favorite Christmas.

"You punched Malfoy. God you showed him." Ron and Harry keep laughing, our kids all joining in proud of their mum.

"I want to hear that story!" Hugo said, turning to Harry for the details. But he shook his head. "This one's Hermione's."

I paled. I remembered it differently than all of them. I knew more of the background.

I had been in the library late one night, and Draco had found me. He threatened to tell, when we both heard a noise. I started to panic and he kissed me to keep me quiet. But it didn't stay like that. I felt something-he felt something. I bit his lip after realizing what was happening and ran away. I was livid and intrigued at the same time. I had no idea what he was feeling but my guesses were something of the same as me.

"When I had seen he and his stupid friends while with Ron and Harry I lost it..." I begin nervously, trying to stay as true to the story without revealing too much. "I was already getting my wand out when Malformed turned to us. 'Ah, come to see the show?' he asked in that cocky, annoying way of his. I screamed, it was too much. 'You foul little cockroach!' as I pointed my wand at him. I was ready to kill him, and he knew it. He wasn't brave like Ron or Harry, looking about ready to cry. Ron stopped me though. He started laughing as I dropped my wand. I couldn't help myself. I just punched him." I finish, blushing.

"And it was frigging amazing, God I hate him!" Harry laughs, and the kids ask them for the gritty details but I'm already blocking it out.

I remember that night too well. I felt terrible, and seeing him with a broken nose in the library only made it worse. Once again, we were alone. He never seemed studious, and yet he was always there. I never did figure out why, he never read and his grades nor intellect never reflected him doing so either.

I walked up to him and sat down. "I...I'm sorry..." I leaned forward and whispered.

He looked up and smirked, always cocky. "Let me guess, still pissed I kissed you."

I didn't know what overcame me but I hadn't replied just kissed him then squealed when he bit my lip and stood up.

"Karma, babe." He smiled and walked out leaving me alone on a winter's night.

I return my focus to the moment and see with a pang that everyone's now on to the Christmas that hurt the worst. Harry's story to tell this time.

I close my eyes, but it doesn't help the memory comes anyways. I knew this book was a bad idea.

***Flashback***

It was Christmas Eve, and I had decided to stay at Hogwarts this time. I was finding myself and more anxious about returning home. I liked it here better anyways.

I had tried to sleep, but I couldn't, and Harry and Ron were already sound asleep I was sure. I tiptoed down to the library, wanting to remember this Christmas, already sensing I would never return here, and all my best memories were in the library. Why not have another?

If I said that was my only reason, it would be a lie. I also hoped Malfoy would be here as well. Our groups hated each other and so did we at times, but I could never truly loathe him. He was the one who saw all my faults and still wanted me. I wasn't on some pedestal for him. And he wasn't on some pedestal for me either. If you asked anyone, we hated each other. Our relationship, if you could call it that, was always at night...in the dark...in the library. We had moments, and only that, but I was in love with him. And his kisses were unlike any I'd ever had.

To my inner joy, he was waiting for me by the fire. No gift in hand, that would be far too obvious. He smiled when I sat beside him. "I hoped to see you tonight." He said softly. This year he had changed, his moods were extreme. He was sweet like now, no arrogance in sight , or hateful and cruel.

I scooted closer. "Of course." I stretched upward, kissing him gently.

He tangled his fingers in my hair, kissing me deeper and deeper, pulling me to him even more. Tonight he was on edge, seeming desperate.

And I was lonely. Kissing would not be enough.

My fingers fumbled at his t-shirt, not knowing what I was doing, but expertly he shifted, putting me on his lap and running his hands over any bare skin he could find. It hurt that he knew what he was doing, but I'd deal. And I could feel his desires from here, I wasn't stopping. I needed this as much as he did.

Keeping this up for awhile, it did not take long till we were simply bodies, no clothes. If someone were to walk in, we'd have no explanations. I sat up a little, kissing his neck, surprising myself in my confidence as his eyes grazed my body.

"I love you." I declared for the first time, softly into his ear.

He pulled away, looking at me, seemingly sad. "No, Hermione, you can't. And you won't soon enough." he kissed me again then placed me beside him, getting dressed in a hurry.

I couldn't move for what felt like forever. When I finally got dressed I put out the fire and tired to erase any evidence of us. "Merry Christmas Draco..." I whispered quietly.

***Flashback over***

"What'd you say?" Ron asks, confused.

I look startled, staring up at him and remember where I am.

Fuck, did I say that out loud?

"M...Merry Christmas Darlings." I say, thinking on my feet and standing up, forcing a smile. "I...I think my phone went off, I'll come back." I lie, walking out.

I sit on my bed, crying softly. Draco was wrong. He had done something terrible that year, trying to kill Dumbledore. And yet, I still loved him. I loved him more than my husband.


End file.
